Progress Over Perfection
Easier said than done!
1. Ground Covered
In the States bouncing around, here is a summarized list of places visited. It has been great seeing friends, family, and Minnie after so many months away. Bonus, Minnie didn’t forget me!
Seattle, WA
New York City, NY
Beacon, NY
Lewisburg, PA
Herndon, VA / Washington, DC
Ocala, FL
2. What I’m Reading
I always think I’m going to read less than I do.
Reflections on Books Completed
Co-Intelligence: Living and Working with AI
Enjoyed this one and would recommend you read it.
Author emphasizes the need for deep expertise to know when AI is wrong. So, basically never stop learning, use AI to learn faster, and don’t let AI turn you into a mindless robot.
The next to last of the histories, and wow - Richard is so evil and manipulative! Throughout the play I kept wondering, maybe Richard just wanted to be loved and if his mother had loved him more, would everything be different?
Richard is murdered by Henry VII, the houses of Lancaster (red rose) and York (white rose) are united through marriage, and The War of The Roses ends. Amen!
This was a musical at our local theater and a new favorite, so I decided to read the book too.
It’s about a young girl who becomes a published author and finds love, I cried.
Current Bookshelf (physical, digital, and audio):
Questions are the Answer
Poor Charlie’s Almanack
The Portfolio Life
Great Expectations
Henry VIII (the last history!!)
3. Experiences
Hey! I’m Ashley - a recovering perfectionist and insecure overachiever. One (previously) unwritten goal of this expedition is to learn how to be easier on myself and to care less about what others think of me and my life. Another unwritten goal is to create a life I love living. I think I can achieve both by finally setting myself free from perfection.
Previously, I would never share anything about my private life because I feared judgment. I was incredibly harsh on myself, and others. No insult could be worse than things I’ve said to myself.
I’ve been fighting this for as long as I can remember and it played a big role in the decisions I made (or didn’t make) in each phase of life. It was 1-year ago that I set myself free and decided I was determining my self-worth for myself. I was going to fear less and live more.
I’ll always be a work in progress, but as I work on new endeavors it is becoming more important to let go of perfectionism and to know when enough is enough. So, I did a bit of homework on the topic and how to do it; below is what I learned.
per·fec·tion·ism (noun): a disposition to regard anything short of perfection as unacceptable.
Ashley’s definition: per·fec·tion·ism (noun): an impossible burden.
Why is it bad to be Perfect?
Levels of perfectionism in the young have increased 33% since 1989, but social perfectionism has increased at a much higher rate. Young people feel high pressures to be perfect from the outside world - largely influenced by social media. When this starts it never really stops.
Perfectionism has 3 dimensions that play out differently for everyone:
1) Self-Oriented Perfectionism - high standards imposed on yourself with a lack of self-compassion
2) Other-Oriented Perfectionism - high standards you impose on others based on the insanely high standards you expect of yourself
3) Socially Prescribed Perfectionism - assuming others expect us to be perfect to meet the validation and approval from others (constantly worrying about the judgment of others)
At the heart of perfectionism is often ruthless self-criticism and fear.
Perfectionism plays out as micromanagement and the need to control every small detail.
What does Progress look like, if it’s not Perfect?
Allow yourself to say no. When a request comes in, pause and ask yourself “What am I saying no to with my yes?”
Ask yourself “Is the desire to do this driven by my values or is it driven by fear?”
Practice compassion.
Know that no one is perfect and no one person can know everything, be everything, or do everything.
Remind yourself that life is more like poker, not chess. There will always be a set of uncontrollable factors influenced by luck.
What is the impact of not being Perfect?
By establishing healthy boundaries, you’ll be able to find joy in everyday life.
By practicing compassion with yourself, it will allow you to be kinder to others and build better relationships.
You’ll achieve more, by just jumping in and doing things.
When you do make mistakes, you’ll bounce back more quickly.
You’re much better at your work when you’re not beating yourself up to be perfect.
Podcast Favorites:
How to Fight Perfectionism, The Happiness Lab
How to Embrace Imperfection, The Happiness Lab
Escaping Perfectionism, Hidden Brain
4. Learnings
Compassion is key to navigating and freeing yourself from perfectionism.
Perfectionism is rooted in fear, fear that you aren’t good enough, and fear of judgment by others.
In job interviews, the most common weakness mentioned is calling oneself a perfectionist, which many spin as a positive - but it isn’t.
People who suffer from perfectionism often don’t think it’s the problem.
“All research is me-search” - Dr. Laurie Santos
5. Questions I’m Contemplating
Why do some people find comfort in having the TV on all the time?
Are people addicted to bad news?
Does your baseline happiness change after traveling too much?
How has my perfectionism negatively impacted others and what can or should I do about it?
Why do so many people experiencing homelessness seek refuge in public libraries? Are there truly no other safe spaces for them? And why, in a country as wealthy as the U.S., do so many people find themselves without a home?
6. What’s Next?
I’m staying in the warmer climates until Spring
Going to Peru in March
Planning The Annual Meeting and a few other things…
7. Feedback?
Are you coming to the annual meeting?